Friday, May 25, 2007

Me these days

I'm having so much trouble being motivated with hubby here. Do the rest of you experience that, too? Even when life was "normal" and he had a day off, it felt like I did, too, and housework almost always went out the window. And now? Multiply that feeling by about 3000%. I'm getting the absolutely bare minimum done around here. Which I feel guilty about. I'm the only one cleaning and cooking for this household of now 8 people. (Well, the girls help, but they depend on me for the prodding, and when you are having trouble prodding yourself, how much prodding of others do you get done? Exactly.)

I've even been slack on exercising. I just would much rather lie in bed with him in the mornings, instead of rising at 5:30 to exercise. Hmmm, cuddle with my man or get up and sweat alone before the sun is up? Cuddle? Sweat? Cuddle? Sweat? Yeah. It took me about 1.3 seconds to decide that one.

Emotionally, I'm a whole mess of weird. Excited about the new house, happy he's home, preoccupied with thoughts of what-color-will-I-paint-that-room, and then, outta nowhere, I'll feel like bursting into tears. I just want to sit down and bawl, but I can't do that. Then hubby would want to know what's wrong. And I just don't wanna have that conversation.

I dunno, maybe I'm just having a reaction to fi-nuh-lee having him home and the emotional stress it was to have him gone, especially under the circumstances. Or maybe its the stuff that I know isn't fixed between us yet. Or maybe its the stress (though exciting) of a new house and moving again... who knows. I just wish it would go away.

Speaking of an exciting move - I am SO eager to get going! That house is so big, and after being cramped up in our old place for so long, and now more than a year in my parents' home (too small for both families), I'm ready to breathe. I'm eager to unpack our things and rediscover all my own stuff again. I am so giddy at the thought of arranging the rooms as I like it and living in clutter-free spaces!!!!!!!!!

3 comments:

  1. Honestly, I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. It is sooo hard to be aaway from your husband in any circumstance, but yours made it more difficult.

    And...what move doesn't put stress on you? Buying a home is a huge step. It is exciting, but scary all at the same time!!

    Enjoy your time with your hubby and your kids. With the military, you never know how long he will be with you until he deploys...then you'll have plenty of time for cleaning again.

    And....cry if you need to. Sometimes we just need to cry and we aren't even sure we can put a finger on why. You don't have to go into all the details with why you might be crying if hubby asks. Just tell him you are happy he is home.

    Big hugs to you...you deserve them!!

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  2. I agree with candi. Your feelings are normal. Give yourself some time to adjust back, just don't let the feelings rule over your life. :)

    Happy Memorial Day weekend!

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  3. Thanks so much, gals. Your support means a lot. I could just hug ya both.

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