You can't please everyone

So only work on pleasing... Him.

I have some friends from college, "S" and "S," who have issues with infertility. Try as they might and pray as they did, no babies came. People at their church, friends, and family all made comments like, "Aren't you pregnant YET?" and "Don't you two want kids?" and "When are we gonna hear an announcement?" As you can imagine, this caused them MUCH pain. Then one glorious day, they travelled to another continent with intentions of adopting one little fella... and came back with him AND his older brother. Praise God!

People on the other end of the spectrum are not immune to people's comments, either. We've had 4 (and hope for more!), and I've gotten all sorts of comments. Especially because they've come close together. My grandma constantly brings it up, asking me to not have more. I've got an uncle who is convinced I'm ruining the kids' lives by having more kids. Yes, ruining. He's said so to my face. Not too long ago in a grocery store I got a comment from a man who told me he needed the number of my psychiatrist. Yes, he was meaning about my family size.

During the retreat this weekend, the adults kept saying over and over how lovely it was to go somewhere away from the house and NOT hear things like, "Better you than me!" or "Don't you have a tv?" or "Why would you want this many kids?" or "Don't you know what causes that?"

See, family size is a VERY personal thing. It is really ONLY between the couple and God. If you have no kids, fine by me. If you only have one kid, fine by me. If you only have two kids, fine by me. If you only have 12 kids, find by me. If you have 20, fine by me. I'm not you, or your husband, or God. It isn't any of my business.

You can't please everyone, so don't try. Pray about it; talk it over with your spouse, and do what you feel God is leading you to, whether that is a small or large family. And then ignore anyone who says hurtful comments. And remember... they may not mean to be hurtful. Oh yes, some DO know they are being rude and snarky. But some just stuck their foot in their mouth without even knowing it. They are curious and so want to get that across in a cute and funny way... but they don't actually make in the humor department.

And if you are one of the people who has asked some of these questions, please consider this: how is your question supposed to make those parents feel? Remember S and S? How did they feel when people asked those questions? I know how they felt, because we talked about it. They felt pain. Being unable to have children was on their mind a lot already, and to have those questions levelled at them was painful.

And people who have large families - would you believe that our babies are not always welcomed into the world? Yes. My other grandma doesn't want to hear our announcements. I've friends who, when announcing pregnancies or births, actually get told horrible things about how that baby was a mistake. Several people have had family members get up and walk out of the room in disgust.

The fact is, folks, that family size is so very personal. Just like how much money you make. Or how many times a week you and your spouse have s*x. Think that's not the same thing? Sure it is. Would you walk up to a family member (or worse yet, a person in the store) and say, "How is your s*x life? I've noticed your hubby is grumpy lately." Uhhh, no. And if you did, they'd ask you what business it is of yours. And it is the same thing - many people equate the size of the family with money and irresponsibility with their fertility.

So if you really want to know what is going on in their life regarding family size, whether you wonder why they have no kids or why they have 16, ask it with a genuine heart to understand. When the conversation is over, you may not agree, but so what? They still deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.